Whiskers Lives!

Surat Daddy untuk boyfriend Alisha - Dah siap taip, tinggal nak dapat alamat emel dia je beberapa tahun dari sekarang

2011-08-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

Kepada Boyfriend anak aku,

Peraturan 1:
Kalo ko sampai kat pagar umah aku pastu dok hon-hon, pastikan ko bawak barang yang nak dihantar... sebab ko takkan ambik ape2 atau sesapa.

Peraturan 2:
Jangan ko pegang2 anak aku depan atau belakang aku. Ko boleh pandang dia, selagi mata ko tak merayau lebih dari paras leher anak aku. Kalo ko takleh jaga tangan ko dari dok pegang2 anak aku..aku boleh tolong cabut dan jaga tangan ko kat umah.

Peraturan 3:
Aku tau skang nih fesyen budak2 pakai seluar londeh sampai nampak boxer atau spender ko. Aku ni open-minded, so aku takkan suruh ko pakai seluar tu elok2 cam manusia normal. Tapi, bagi memastikan yang seluar ko takkan terbukak atau dibukak semasa berdating ngan anak aku, aku akan pakai stapler gun kat dalam laci aku nih untuk lekatkan seluar ko kat pinggang.

Peraturan 4:
Aku rasa mesti ko tau pasal kempen seks selamat yang omputih dok canang hari2 kat tv atau internet. Kalo tak pakai perlindungan cam kondom atau lain2, ko mungkin akan dapat penyakit yang mungkin membunuh ko satu hari nanti. Meh sini aku nak bagitau, kalo ngan anak aku ni, aku lah pelindung tuh..dan aku akan mendatangkan sakit kat tubuh badan ko dan kemungkinan besar akan bunuh ko jugak. Paham?

Peraturan 5:
Biasalah kalo ko nak berkenalan lebih baik ngan aku ni sebagai calon bapak mertua ko..ko nak berbual pasal politik, pasal sukan atau lain2 topik semasa. Aku takmo dengar semua tuh. Satu jer topik yang aku minat nak dengar: bila ko nak antar anak aku balik ke umah ni semula? Dan jawapan yang aku nak dengar cuma: Awal.

Peraturan 6:
Aku rasa ko ni hensem, popular kat kolej/pejabat ko, banyak peluang nak dating ngan aweks2 lain yang lagi kiut-miut..aku takde hal ngan kelebihan ko tu..selagi anak aku pon ok dengan kepopularan ko. Tapi, sekali ko dah couple ngan anak aku, ko jangan pandai2 cari pompuan lain sampai la anak aku dah bosan ngan ko atau dia break-off ngan ko. Kalo ko wat anak aku nangis, aku pulak akan wat ko nangis.

Peraturan 7:
Sementara ko menunggu anak aku bersiap, jangan dok mengeluh kalo dia bersiap lama sangat. Kalo ko nak orang yang punctual, ko leh dating ngan mat askar. Kalo ko bosan menunggu kat luar tu, tolong le wat ape yang patut, cam basuh keta aku atau cat pagar umah aku ni.

Peraturan 8:
Tempat2 berikut adalah dilarang sama sekali korang pergi dating; tempat yang ada katil, ada sofa, ada rumput atau apa2 tempat yang leh duduk2 atau baring2. tempat2 yang takde kehadiran orang tua, polis, tok imam. Tempat2 yang gelap. Tempat2 yang membolehkan korang berpegang tangan/menari atau bersukaria. Tempat2 yang panas sampai membuatkan anak aku terpaksa pakai tshirt takde lengan..pakai short skirt. Tempat yang sejuk sampai ko kena panaskan badan anak aku. Movie yang romantic, berunsurkan cium2 tu elakkan. Movie pasal seksa kubur atau hari kiamat dibolehkan.

Peraturan 9:
Jangan sekali-kali menipu aku. Aku ni nampak jer perut buncit, kepala hampir botak, tapi aku akan tau semua pergerakan ko dari spy2 aku. Kalo aku tanya ko nak pegi mana, dengan sapa lagi yang join ngan korang, ko ada satu peluang jer nak jawab dengan benar, tiada yang tak benar melainkan benar belaka. Aku ada satu senapang patah, satu cangkul dan lima ekar tanah yang penuh hutan kat belakang umah aku ni. Selalunya aku dok menembak khinzir kat situ. Kalo aku tembak kepala ko kat belakang tu, takde sapa yang nak tanye. Jangan main2 ngan aku.

Peraturan 10:
Ko patut takut ngan aku ni..kalo boleh biar sampai sangat2 takut. Aku ni dok teringat2 lagi peristiwa bukit kepong. Sampai skang kalo ada orang datang umah senyap2 pastu dok berbual kat laman aku nak tembak..aku ingatkan komunis. Nanti dah abih dating, sampai kat pintu pagar, bukak pintu kereta dan angkat dua2 tangan ko tinggi2. Cakap dengan jelas saya datang antar anak pakcik. Pastu terus blah. Tak payah masuk minum teh. Kilauan matahari yang ko nampak kat tingkap umah aku ni ialah teropong senapang sniper aku.

Sekian.

Yg ditakuti,

Mohd Nadzrin Wahab
Bapak Kepada Gf ko

Hell: Day 1

2010-03-30T02:35:00.000-07:00

This sight greeted my first day of work in Kuala Lumpur. It told me that it wasn't going to be a good day. And I was right. We were going to be screwed this week. I just know it.

And then my brain tried to sabotage me. Don't be such a naysayer. It will just be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ok, fine. We're not going to be screwed this week. I just know it. Happy?

You can probably tell, I'm not having any fun yet working in KL. Yeah, this is turning out to be lousy blog post. I'm not going to continue this. Just enjoy looking at the picture of the dead bird.

Whiskers is pissed.

They say men don't remember anniversaries

2009-12-07T19:29:00.000-08:00

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.'

Bar Jar

2009-12-07T06:09:00.000-08:00

A fellow walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be more than ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, 'What's with the money in the jar?'

'Well......you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money and the keys to a brand new Lexus.'

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. And so he asks, 'What are the three tests?' 'You must pay first..... Those are the rules,' says the bartender.

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar. 'Okay,' the bartender says, 'Here's what you need to do: First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in a minute or less, and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.

Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who has never had sex.... You have to take care of that problem!'

The man is stunned. 'I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila, and then do all those other things....'

'Your call,' says the bartender..... 'But, your money stays where it is.'

As time goes on, and the man has a few more drinks, he finally says, 'Where's the damn tequila?' He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks... but he doesn't make a face, and he did it in fifty-eight seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door, where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon the people inside the bar hear growling , biting, and screaming sounds... then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped open and there are scratches and he's bleeding all over his body.

He says, 'Now where's that old woman with the bad tooth?'

The moral to the story: Listen carefully to the directions, and don't trust your judgment when alcohol is involved!

Whiskers isn't Whisk**

The Chaos

2009-11-23T20:18:00.000-08:00

by G. Nolst Trenite' a.k.a. "Charivarius" 1870 - 1946

Dearest creature in creation

Studying English pronunciation,

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse

I will keep you, Susy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy.

Tear in eye your dress you'll tear,

So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,

Pray, console your loving poet,

Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!

Just compare heart, beard and heard,

Dies and diet, lord and word,

Sword and sward, retain and Britain.

(Mind the latter, how it's written).

Made has not the sound of bade,

Say said, pay-paid, laid, but plaid.

Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as vague and ague,

But be careful how you speak,

Say break, steak, but bleak and streak.

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via,

Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir,

Cloven, oven, how and low,

Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery:

Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,

Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles.

Exiles, similes, reviles.

Wholly, holly, signal, signing.

Thames, examining, combining

Scholar, vicar, and cigar,

Solar, mica, war, and far.

From "desire": desirable--admirable from "admire."

Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier.

Chatham, brougham, renown, but known.

Knowledge, done, but gone and tone,

One, anemone. Balmoral.

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel,

Gertrude, German, wind, and mind.

Scene, Melpomene, mankind,

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,

Reading, reading, heathen, heather.

This phonetic labyrinth

Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.

Billet does not end like ballet;

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet;

Blood and flood are not like food,

Nor is mould like should and would.

Banquet is not nearly parquet,

Which is said to rime with "darky."

Viscous, Viscount, load, and broad.

Toward, to forward, to reward.

And your pronunciation's O.K.,

When you say correctly: croquet.

Rounded, wounded, grieve, and sieve,

Friend and fiend, alive, and live,

Liberty, library, heave, and heaven,

Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven,

We say hallowed, but allowed,

People, leopard, towed, but vowed.

Mark the difference, moreover,

Between mover, plover, Dover,

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,

Chalice, but police, and lice.

Camel, constable, unstable,

Principle, disciple, label,

Petal, penal, and canal,

Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal.

Suit, suite, ruin, circuit, conduit,

Rime with "shirk it" and "beyond it."

But it is not hard to tell,

Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,

Timber, climber, bullion, lion,

Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, and chair,

Senator, spectator, mayor,

Ivy, privy, famous, clamour

And enamour rime with hammer.

Pussy, hussy, and possess,

Desert, but dessert, address.

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants.

Hoist, in lieu of flags, left pennants.

River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,

Doll and roll and some and home.

Stranger does not rime with anger.

Neither does devour with clangour.

Soul, but foul and gaunt but aunt.

Font, front, won't, want, grand, and grant.

Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger.

And then: singer, ginger, linger,

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, and gauge,

Marriage, foliage, mirage, age.

Query does not rime with very,

Nor does fury sound like bury.

Dost, lost, post; and doth, cloth, loth;

Job, Job; blossom, bosom, oath.

Though the difference seems little,

We say actual, but victual.

Seat, sweat; chaste, caste.; Leigh, eight, height;

Put, nut; granite, and unite.

Reefer does not rime with deafer,

Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,

Hint, pint, Senate, but sedate.

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,

Science, conscience, scientific,

Tour, but our and succour, four,

Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Sea, idea, guinea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria,

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,

Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,

Dandelion with battalion.

Sally with ally, yea, ye,

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay.

Say aver, but ever, fever.

Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.

Never guess--it is not safe:

We say calves, valves, half, but Ralph.

Heron, granary, canary,

Crevice and device, and eyrie,

Face but preface, but efface,

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Large, but target, gin, give, verging,

Ought, out, joust, and scour, but scourging,

Ear but earn, and wear and bear

Do not rime with here, but ere.

Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,

Monkey, donkey, clerk, and jerk,

Asp, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation--think of psyche--!

Is a paling, stout and spikey,

Won't it make you lose your wits,

Writing "groats" and saying "grits"?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel,

Strewn with stones, like rowlock, gunwale,

Islington and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict, and indict!

Don't you think so, reader, rather,

Saying lather, bather, father?

Finally: which rimes with "enough"

Though, through, plough, cough, hough, or tough?

Hiccough has the sound of "cup."

My advice is--give it up!

Whiskers is giving up English

Watch Out For This Scam!

2009-11-23T01:04:00.000-08:00

A warning for those friends, husbands and/or boyfriends who may be regular Tesco/ Carrefour/ Giant/ Mydin customers.

This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your timber and hardware. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonald's. You agree and they get in the backseat.

On the way, they remove all of their clothes and start making out. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you. She then takes off your pants and throws them into the backseat. While the one is keeping you distracted the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen September 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, then again on the 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also, October 1st, 7th, twice on the 8th, and again on the 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th. Then on November 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 6th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Tesco has wallets on sale $2.99 each, a 20% discount if you buy 10 or more.

Whiskers loves girls.

Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

2009-10-12T02:17:00.000-07:00

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which, of course, is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave... Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over! The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

Whiskers also had some last night.

Something to share with you

2009-10-11T18:43:00.000-07:00

Photographer: An Hejie. Market Place, Town of Chifeng, Inner Mongolia

Photo 1: Together, through Warm and Cold

Beyond the northern (Inner Mongolia) frontier, spring has arrived but the cold weather lingered on. Snow fell on this April morning. Flakes danced in the sky. A middle-aged man tended to his cart, on which sat a little boy, wrapped up with blanket used to keep the vegetables from freezing. From time to time, the father would tuck at the blanket to make sure that his son was all right.

These are the words from the photographer: "Set in the dark and shadowy background and the dancing snow flakes, the pink puffy face of the little boy stood out in great contrast to that of the father which was apparently shaped by the caprices of life. And life was indeed harsh. Father and son only have each other for support. When the father yelled out a sales pitch on top of his voice, his facial expression was shockingly touching. One cannot help but be moved."

Photo 2: Love

The father and his son live in an impoverished hilly area. They demand nothing but a piece of land to call their own. Perhaps they will not have a chance to see the outside world all their lives -- they will not know what a staircase is, they will never ride in a taxi, nor will they ever step into a movie theater. But the truth is these are the people who offer us everything our lives depend on,

generation after generation. The heaven and earth have nothing to repay them. Love them!

Photo 3: Grandpas' Tears

(Caption on the photo: That day, we found that we were able to attend school. We were so happy. But grandpa cried. Do you understand? The tears of an elderly man...) This semester has been dealt with, what about the next?

Photo 4: Amidst Rain and Wind

Your elderly mother and little children are waiting for you to come home with the day's wages.

Photo 5: Old Man Crying

The old man sells roast yam for a living. Because he doesn't have a license, his tools were

confiscated and his tricycle was smashed, its chain cut. All the old man can do is to sit there and cry. How is his tomorrow?

Photo 6: Mothers' Love

Mothers and their children. This is life.

Photo 7: Coal Carrier

Wang Zhizhong worked as a coal carrier. Carrying a basket of coal weighting 40kg (88 lb), he made his way up a 100m deep mine, and then walked a distance of 1000m along a mountainous track. For each trip, he made 1RMB (0.125 USD). He was 17.

Photo 8: I want to go to school

Caption on the photo: That day the English teacher arrived in our village. She taught us our very first sentence in English: "I want go to school." Did you hear it? It is a most heart-moving cry.

Photo 9: Care for those forgotten

We must admit that there are people still living within the blind spot of our society. What if you were one of them?

Photo 10: Spirit to live

No rose, no diamond ring, but if this is not love, what is love? With enthusiasm, love your life! Love the people around you!

When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look, you most likely turned your back on the world. Be thankful for what we have. Love your life, appreciate the people around you and the country made by you....

Most people only likes to condemn. But how many of us will sit and say thank you for the life made in Malaysia, the carrer built by it's law and the beauty of all races shared with?

Whiskers is humbled.

The real amount of sugar in our foods

2009-10-10T22:23:00.000-07:00

Whiskers hates diabetes.

The difference between 'Growing Older' vs 'Growing Up' & 'Making a Living' vs 'Making a Life

2009-10-09T22:36:00.000-07:00

Hi all, I have received an interesting look at life so here it is ....

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up..

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose."

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give

"Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."

Whiskers smiles.

New Canadian Seat Belt Law

2009-09-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

This becomes effective July 1, 2009. The National Highway Safety Council of Canada has done extensive testing on a newly Designed seat belt.

Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95% when the belt is properly installed. Correct Installation is illustrated below. Please pass on to family and friends. THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!

This can really save lives and lower blood pressure by 40%

I KNOW....YOU SMILED.

Whiskers at the wheel.

Lawyer - with a heart?

2009-09-18T18:54:00.000-07:00

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, 'Why are you eating grass?'

'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied. 'We have to eat grass.'

'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,' the lawyer said.

'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.'

'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us, also.'

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, 'But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!'

'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, 'Sir, you are too kind.'

'Thank you for taking all of us with you.'

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it.

'You'll really love my place.

'The grass is almost a foot high'.

Whiskers supports the Shakespeare Kill the Lawyer Movement.

Funny for me

2009-09-17T03:22:00.000-07:00

Puasa Si Miskin

2009-09-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

Sekadar renungan, suatu peringatan buat diriku yang sering terlepas pandang. Aku telah menemui sebuah rumah yang usang. Rumah itu hanya berdindingkan buluh bertanggakan batang kelapa. Di serambi rumah itu ada beberapa anak kecil yang kelihatan lesu dan letih. Aku hampiri mereka lalu bertanya kepada yang paling tua antara mereka, seorang kakak yang berumur baru kira-kira 11 tahun:

"Mana emak? "

"Mak pergi menoreh," jawabnya.

"Mana bapak?"

"Bapak pergi kerja..."

"Habis tu adik yang kecil ini siapa yang jaga?" Di situ ada seorang bayi dalam lingkungan umur 5 bulan.

"Adik ini sayalah yang jaga." Jawab budak berkenaan.

"Awak ada berapa orang adik-beradik? "

"Sepuluh."

"Adik ni yang ke berapa?"

"Saya yang kelapan."

"Mana abang-abang kamu pergi?"

"Tolong emak menoreh."

"Adik puasa hari ini?"

"Sama je pakcik, puasa ke tidak. Kami ni makan sekali je sehari," jawabnya.

Mendengar kata-kata itu aku sungguh terharu.

Lalu aku bertanya lagi "Adik bersekolah di mana?"

"Saya tak sekolah. Emak bapak tak mampu".

"Bapak kerja apa?"

"Tangkap ikan kat sungai nak buat lauk bukak puasa ".

Budak itu memberi tahu, lebih baiklah bulan puasa berbanding bulan lain kerana pada bulan puasa mereka dapat makan kuih. Ada saja orang yang hantar. Aku berlalu dari situ dengan seribu-satu keinsafan. Kebetulan di simpang jalan ada orang menjual daging lembu tempatan. Aku beli satu kilo tulang lembu. Di kedai runcit pula, aku beli rempah sup dan sepuluh kilo beras untuk disedekahkan kepada keluarga itu. Bila saja aku beri barang-barang itu pada adiknya, dia melompat kegembiraan sambil menjerit, "Yeh yeh..! Kita dapat makan daging malam ni..!".

Aku bertanya kepada si kakak mengapa adiknya girang sangat. Dia memberitahu aku, sejak dari raya korban tahun lepas baru sekarang mereka berpeluang makan daging lembu sekali lagi. Seminggu kemudian aku datang lagi ke rumah itu. Bila mereka melihat aku datang, mereka girang menyambutku di pintu rumah. Kebetulan pada hari itu aku sempat berjumpa dengan ibu mereka. Sungguh menyedihkan cerita yang aku dengar: Anak yang berumur 4 tahun itu memberitahu padaku bahawa mereka sudah seminggu makan sup tulang yang aku berikan hari itu.

"Tiap-tiap hari mak buat sup, sedaplah Pakcik.."

Aku bertanya kepada emaknya macam mana dia lakukan hinggakan sup itu boleh tahan sampai satu minggu? Dia memberitahu padaku bahawa pada hari pertama dia merebus tulang itu, dia telah berpesan kepada anak-anaknya agar tidak membuangkan tulang yang telah dimakan. Dia kutip semula semua tulang-tulang itu dan merebusnya semula untuk dimakan pada hari berikutnya. Itulah yang dia lakukan setiap hari. Dia berkata "Kalau tidak dapat makan isi, hirup air rebusan tulang pun dah lebih dari cukup untuk anak-anak saya. Dia orang suka sangat."

Aku bertanya lagi "Upah menoreh berapa makcik dapat?"

"Cuma RM3.00 sehari."

"Ayahnya bekerja macam mana"

"Kalau dia dapat ikan itulah yang dibuat lauk setiap hari."

Rupa-rupanya aku terlupa bahawa aku sebenarnya hidup dalam keadaan mewah. Pernahkah anda menghirup air rebusan tulang yang direbus semula sepanjang hidup anda? Atau adakah anda buang saja tulang itu beserta daging-daging yang ada padanya kerana anda kata ianya "TAK SEDAP"? Mungkin kita sudah terbiasa hidup senang hinggakan kita lupa bahawa kalau pun kita susah, masih ramai lagi orang yang lebih susah dari kita.

Whiskers tertanya bagaimana mereka beraya?

A Well-Planned Retirement

2009-09-16T18:32:00.000-07:00

From The London Times:

Outside England's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were £1 for cars ($1.40), £5 for busses (about $7).

Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the Zoo Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent.

The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo's own responsibility.

The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee. The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain (or some such scenario), is a man who'd apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own; and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years.

Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars!

And no one even knows his name.

The truth about the parking attendant has been uncovered!

Whiskers has a plan!

The bald complainer

2009-09-15T18:36:00.000-07:00

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate. The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.

A week passes and he receives another parcel and note: Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.

The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.

A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.

Whiskers needs baju raya.

The Power of the Badge

2009-09-14T18:32:00.000-07:00

DEA officer stops at a ranch in South Texas, and talks with an old rancher mending a fence.

He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.

"The old Rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there", as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government behind me.

"He reaches into his back pants pocket, removes his badge and proudly flashes it at the old Rancher.

"Do you see this badge? It means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... on any one's land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The old rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life ... chased close behind by the rancher's 1,500 pound prize bull.

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get "Horned" before he reaches safety.

The officer is clearly terrified. The Rancher drops his fence tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, your badge. Show him your damn BADGE !"

Whiskers runs!

Sending Old Folks

2009-09-13T19:43:00.000-07:00

Whiskers teeheehee.

A speech we should read & share

2009-09-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD.

Most brilliant, to the point speech to get all of us thinking.

"I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk or your life on a bus or in a car or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.

People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good.

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and them to me.

Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre, at my job if those other things were not true.

You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon or found a lump in your breast?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted.. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.

It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the colour of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.

I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face.

Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived".

Whiskers wants to live!

Unanswered Questions Challenge Part 1

2009-09-10T00:34:00.000-07:00

The friend who sent me the unanswered questions in my previous post decided to challenge my loyar burukness, and sent me more! Well, Rina, this is for you! Of course, this is only half of it. I'll post the rest tomorrow. A man's got actual work to do, you know.

If cocaine were legal, would they sell it in little packages like Sweet N' Low? Would they call it Sweet N' High?

Yeaahhhhhhh.... dude, they woulddddd...

If drinking and driving is illegal, why do bars have parking lots?

To attract drivers to come, of course.

Is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? And if so, how would you treat them?

Quite impossible to be addicted, because therapy is far more expensive than drugs, alcohol and women put together. Therapy works because after getting the bill, patients are shocked back to reality. "No addiction is worth this crap!"

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

No, they need to grab a drink first.

After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

Boxes, dude!

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Yes, just in case He exists.

Can I yell MOVIE in a crowded firehouse?

Only if you're buying.

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

No, that would be utterly disgusting.

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

Very funny. The bees just flew alongside the ark to keep the weight down, bro.

Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?

Yes, they RAR.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Yes, and get fired soon after.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Yes, and get punished in vegetarian hell.

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Of course! It's the gun that makes the noise. All the mime does is die.

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

I've imagined a world with no questions like this.

How do 'Do Not Walk on Grass' signs get there?

They were put there before the grass grew.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Run them down if they cross anywhere else.

If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on earth?

Gasp! You were abducted?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

They don't believe in gambling.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Because she has expensive tastes.

If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?

So true, so true...

If it's called a boxing RING, then why are they square?

Nobody accused boxers of being smart.

If Mike Brady was supposed to be this groovy architect, why did he force 6 kids into 2 bedrooms?

So they were too busy fighting to listen in to the groovy action next door.

If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?

Because they keep bringing along the same goddamn brain that causes them.

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

With glue.

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

They put teflon in there.

If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerul than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings... hmmm, no mention of smarts there.

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You'll have a really weird accident.

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

It's free to talk to yourself, chargeable to talk to someone else.

Is a metaphor like a simile?

Yes, just as a meteor is to a silly me.

Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?

Wouldn't YOU like to know?

May I refuse to inherit the earth?

If there's an available flight to Mars, why not?

On Gilligan's Island, if the professor could build a radio out of coconut, why couldn't he fix a hole in the boat?

Possible answer 1: He didn't specialise in that in university.

Possible answer 2: The island has two hot chicks. The only other men are an old captain, an old rich guy whose money is worth nothing and an idiot. Would YOU fix the boat?

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

If that travel agent is you, yes.

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Wait for it to shit seeds. Plant them to get another plant and kill the bloody animal to teach him a lesson.

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

Custer!

What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

I wouldn't mind helping out with that experiment to find out.

What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?

Then we're all damned, I tell you. Damned.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Unsliced bread.

When it rains, how come cows don't knock on the farmer's door and say, "Hey, let us in, we're all wearing leather out here!"

They need the water to make milk.

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

They hide under the cows.

Where are the bacteria that cause 'good' breath?

In whatever they're trying to sell you.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

To see if they predicted it right.

Why do they call it instant credit when it actually means instant debt?

Does anyone preinform you he's going to rob you?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

So that those who still have power be grateful.

Why is it that normal people are the ones you don't know?

I ask that question every day, bro. Every day.

Why is it that when our kids are naughty we ask "do you want a spanking?" What are they going to say, "Yes please, may I have two?"...

The early beginnings of a fetishist.

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

When do they ever close they mouths?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

All the short ones were already taken.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

That should've been your first clue...

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

It's positive thinking.

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

It's for you, dude. It's for you.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Topsofyourfeet.

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Same reason there isn't cat flavoured dog food.

Unanswered questions now answered

2009-09-09T21:38:00.000-07:00

I got a list of Unanswered Questions in the mail from an old friend. Being the problem solver I am, I decided to actually put to rest those unanswered questions. From now on, everyone will know how to answer them.

1. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Because of the friction from flying through the air at 120kph

2. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Because we believe mind over battery.

3. Why do banks charge a fee on insufficient funds when they know there is not enough?

It's a bank for God's sake! They'll make money off of anything!

4. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

To keep their faces intact when they crash. To save face of course!

5. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Because we can't check if there are four billions stars. Duh!

6. Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

The guy who wanted to torture us all.

7. What is the speed of darkness?

It's the opposite of the speed of light.

8. Why is it that people say they slept like a baby when babies wake up every two hours?

Because babies can't remember how much they bothered their parents. And people who slept like a baby can't remember their own snoring.

9. Are there specially reserved parking spaces for normal people at the Special Olympics?

No. Because they're not special enough.

10. If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Who cares? It's cold!

11. Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

No, single people live longer. Married people just die happier.

12. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be

a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

All the good brains were in NASA, not Polo.

13. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Because you can't see sunbathers from the ground.

Did you ever stop and wonder...... .

14. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Probably the baby cow.

15. Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

Probably a fetishist.

16. Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

It's always good to have options in your life.

17. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

You know what to expect from a freezer. It's all frozen.

18. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Because it could be confused with "Kick me".

19. Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

It increases his excitement.

20. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

Goofy is better trained.

21. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Testicles. Duh!

22. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Well, what do you get when you squeeze a baby?

23. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Yes, moron.

24. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

So does Baa Baa Black Sheep. It's called plagiarism, dude.

Stop singing and read on........

25. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Yes, you do.

26. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Because the wind outside doesn't have bad breath.

27. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

No, but it makes you feel better.

28. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

Yes, and I'll be sure to pass on the favour.

AskWhiskers

Enhancing Relationships

2009-09-08T21:55:00.000-07:00

Trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?
A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.

RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered, "You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perceptions. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."

The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.

BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "But when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or you wish to take revenge. Think first before you lose your patience with someone you love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones and feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

Whiskers will always listen to good advice.

Marriage - A Tale of Regret

2009-08-24T20:12:00.000-07:00

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.

From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more.. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead......I cried and cried uncontrollably and carried her for the last time from the room to the hall with tears streaming down my face and gazing at my only son, his tears rolling from his eyes, they made me cry even more. I had lost my love, my wife and a loving and caring mother and nothing I could do now to put the clock backward. I had all the time now to look at her motionless body in detail but I knew it was going to be only for a short while until she made her last journey to the Lord......I held my son and wept again and again thinking of all the things I did not do for her when she was still alive.........and placed gently the flowers in her hands with my tears trickling on them.......she was gone forever, all my tears would not bring her back.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you might just save a marriage.

Whiskers off to the florist.

What Pollution Did To Me

2009-07-16T02:34:00.000-07:00

Whisker loses his appetite.

The Woman In Your Life

2009-07-13T01:03:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain;
to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to;
and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her;
and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply Because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important, relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

Whiskers loves his sayang.

Support Breast Cancer Awareness

2009-07-09T22:08:00.000-07:00

Whiskers loves breasts. Is that so wrong?

A True Canadian Hockey Fan

2009-07-08T19:17:00.000-07:00

You don't have to be a hockey fan to appreciate this...

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.

"No," says the neighbor. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs and not use it?"

The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or a relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."

Willy whiskers!

Feed a child with a click

2009-07-07T22:30:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon an inspiring Facebook site today which gathers together all (or most) of the click-to-feed websites into one place. For those who unfamiliar with the concept, advertisers or sponsors will contribute funding or food to the poor and needy worldwide if you click on their links.

I highly recommend you join this Facebook group and start clicking away.

Click here to join

Clicking whiskers.

Two Job Openings in Sales (Medical Equipment)

2009-07-07T04:11:00.000-07:00

To all my blog readers and friends, a friend of mine who works for a company supplying medical equipment for hospitals has two openings in the sales department. The criteria are simple:

Between 25-30 years old
Experience unneccesary
Able to speak fluent Bahasa Melayu or English (or both)
Presentable (not scruffy and have good communication skills)
Own personal transportation

If you know of anyone who might be interested, please contact Izuan Khan at (SMS only) 012 616 0496 or email him at backupizuan@yahoo.com

Whiskers needs a job.

Sarah's Poem

2009-07-02T19:03:00.000-07:00

My name is Sarah I am but three,
my eyes are swollen I cannot see.

I must be stupid, I must be bad,
what else could have made my daddy so mad?

I wish I were better, I wish I weren't ugly,
then maybe my Mommy would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all, I can't do a wrong
or else I'm locked up all the day long.

When I awake I'm all alone
the house is dark my folks aren't home.

When my Mommy does come I'll try and be nice,
so maybe I'll get just one whipping tonight.

Don't make a sound! I just heard a car
my daddy is back from Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse my name he calls
I press myself against the wall.

I try and hide from his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping he shouts ugly words,
he says its my fault that he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me and yells at me more,
I finally get free and I run for the door.

He's already locked it and I start to bawl,
he takes me and throws me against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor with my bones nearly broken,
and my daddy continues with more bad words spoken.

'I'm sorry!' I scream but it's now much too late
his face has been twisted into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain again and again
oh please God, have mercy! oh please let it end!

And he finally stops and heads for the door,
while I lay there motionless sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah and I am but three,
tonight my daddy murdered me.

There are thousands of kids out there just like Sarah. And you can help. It sickens me to my soul, and if you just read this and don't pass it on I pray for your forgiveness, because you would have to be one heartless person to not be affected by this post. And because you are affected, do something about it!!

So all I am asking you to do is take some time to send this on and acknowledge that this stuff does happen, and that people like her dad do live in our society, and pray for child abuse to wither out and die, but also pray for the safety of our youth.

Please pass this poem on as a Blue Ribbon Against Child Abuse because, as crazy as it might sound, it might just indirectly change a life.

Whiskers weeps...

Jawapan kepada skeptik

2009-07-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

A writer for a local online tabloid questioned some of the veracity of the information transmitted to us via the latest historical document Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen. I sought out the aforementioned article and replied to it. The following is his review in purple (evil decepticon!) and my reply in red (warm, fuzzy autobot) for your reading pleasure.

Kami tahu mungkin ada yang tidak bersetuju, terutama’nya mereka, dan mereka yang taksub dengan CGI melampau-lampau. Namun, tidak salah’nya bagi kami untuk mengeluar’kan 5 persoalan yang paling kami ingin’kan jawapan’nya.

1. Dalam babak peperangan besar-besaran di’tengah kota Los Angeles — maafkan kami, Mission City — sepatut’nya ia di’saksikan oleh ribuan penduduk, sekurang-kurang’nya. Namun, agak pelik juga apabila kerajaan US mampu menutup keseluruhan cerita peperangan tersebut, dan yang paling kami tidak boleh tahan, kewujudan alien robot hanya’lah merupakan khabar angin di’ internet? Fikir logik, macam mana mereka buat? Bayar semua orang yang berada di’sana untuk menutup mulut, serta membelanja’kan jutaan dollar untuk baiki segala kerosakan, macam tu?

2. Kalau di’ikutkan, terdapat 2 keping Allspark yang tinggal: satu berada di’dalam kawalan ketat tentera, manakala satu lagi di’jumpai oleh Sam. Decepticons mencuri Allspark untuk membawa kembali Megatron. Tetapi, bila Sam ingin menghidup’kan kembali Optimus, dia perlu mencari kunci Matrix of Leadership di kawasan padang pasir. Kenapa tidak guna’kan sahaja Allspark yang lagi satu? Allspark itu sememang’nya berada dalam begpack Mikaela sepanjang masa. Andai kata Allspark berkenaan boleh membuat’kan barangan dapur Sam hidup, kenapa tak boleh lakukan perkara yang sama terhadap Optimus? Hebat sangat ke Optimus ini?

3. Bercakap mengenai kelahiran semula Megatron, tatkala Decepticons turun ke laut dalam untuk menghidupkan’nya, pihak tentera laut dapat mengesan 5 robot melalui sistem radar mereka. Kalau di’ingatkan kembali, Decepticons menghancurkan sebuah robot kecil untuk membina semula Megatron. Tapi yang pelik’nya, apabila mereka naik semula ke permukaan air, pihak tentera yang sama dapat mengesan 6 robot. Pelik juga, bukan ke patut 5 sahaja?

4. Sam tiba-tiba mati & pergi ke syurga robot..Erk, robot pun ada syurga ke?

5. Bumblebee masih tidak boleh bercakap dalam filem ini. Dari apa yang kami masih ingat, rasa’nya kotak suara Bumblebee sudah di’baiki dalam filem yang lepas.

sumber: dipetik dpd sebuah akhbar tabloid online

Terima kasih kepada Tuan Super kerana sudi membawa perkara ini kepada perhatian kami. Sebagai salah seorang ahli kajirobot yang tersohor di donia ini, izinkan saya menjawab segala persoalan tuan penulis artikel daripada sebuah akhbar tabloid online ini.

1. Bukan segala-galanya dapat ditutup oleh kerajaan Amerika, kerana masih ada video-video mengenai kewujudan Peneransform yang muncul di internet. Kebanyakan penduduk Mission City yang menyaksikan kejadian tragik tempoh hari sudahpun diproses Unit Khas MIB yang diketuai Ketua Turus J manakala bakinya diproses oleh Dr Phil.

2. Megatron tidak meninggal dunia sepertimana Optimus Prime meninggal. Ini adalah kerana Megatron mengalami kelebihbebanan sengsara akibat penggabungan SemuaPercik dengan dirinya. Maka, ia hanya memerlukan serpihan kecil SemuaPercik untuk mengatastaliankannya kembali. Manakala, Optimus Prime meninggal secara klinikal apabila urat merihnya diputuskan Megatron. Barangan dapur Sam dihidupkan secara rambang, tetapi asal percikan utama adalah jahat, kerana tidak disertai pengaturcaraan moral yang terkandung dalam Kunci Matrix tersebut. Risiko Optimus dihidupkan kembali dengan peribadi mazmumah terlalu besar buat Sam. Maka, beliau lebih rela mendapatkan kunci tersebut.

3. Walaupun robot keenam itu diarahkan dibunuh oleh Tuan Doktor, namun percikannya masih wujud, hanya tubuhnya sahaja yang sudah dirakusi robot-robot lain untuk dipakaikan pada Megatron.

4. Ada.

5. Benar kotak suaranya sudah dibaiki oleh Ratchet 2 tahun lepas, namun, disebabkan pihak kerajaan terus menubuhkan NEST dan Bumblebee lebih rela menetap bersama Sam, beliau tidak mendapat rawatan susulan. Beliau juga culas dalam mengambil siri ubat yang diberikan oleh Ratchet, menyebabkan suaranya kembali garau dan akhirnya rosak kembali.

Whiskers pintal misai.

The 80/20 of Life

2009-06-30T19:02:00.000-07:00

In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT. And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT. But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and losing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.

Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. "Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is not".

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.

Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%. Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature.

You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cheery laugh no matter what she says: "I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . .."

Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt.

Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have.

Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!

That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.

But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.

But I'm not just talking about marriage. I'm talking about life!

About your jobs.

About your friends.

About your children.

About your lifestyles.

Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's missing? "They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!"

I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip! Don't live your life like that. Forget about what the world says is first class. Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class -- because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet?

The main message???

If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you are first class!

Source unknown.

100% Whiskers

Midget Thai Boxing & Protecting Your Transitions

2009-06-29T19:10:00.000-07:00

Somebody emailed me a video of two midgets in a Muay Thai ring, beating the crap out of each other. Aside from the fact that it was demeaning to the midgets (trying to fix my prejudices, but I'm very pessimistic that this wasn't a honourable match to begin with.

Here's the vid.

I showed it to a silat master, cikgu Yazid Abdul Rani. After watching it a couple of times, he pointed out something important. In the last KO that the smaller guy delivers, it works because he launches his attack as the other midget tries to step to get closer.

This, in martial arts, is the principle of attacking during transition. In Silat Melayu, it's often called makan gerak, or interception.

This same principle is used in war, to attack the enemy when they are moving between bases, in economy, to attack the shares of a company and effect a takeover when the whole world is beginning to wake up (remember Mahathir's daring Sime Darby dawn raid?) and in romance, when the rebound girl or guy appears just as you're trying to forget your old beau (and often has damaging consequences).

The only way to protect yourself during transition, is to be fully aware of your surroundings, and prepare contingencies every step of the way. Transitions are when you're weakest, because a lot of change is happening all at once. They are the joints (incidentally also the parts of the body most susceptible to attacks) of the situation.

Keep them safe.

Crouching whiskers hiding pizza.

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!

2009-06-28T19:33:00.000-07:00

Call 1:
Unknown
Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't getthrough to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'..
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.

Call 2:
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talkingabout'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly statesthat I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket andtelephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.

Call 3:
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I amtravelling in Australia ?'
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'

Call 4:
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France to Faugere): 'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

Call 5:
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes.. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.

Call 6:
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote'click''.

Call 7:
This has got to be one of the funniest things in a longtime. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the HelpDesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and leanway over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals andpacking stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

Source unknown.

Whiskers on a conf.

Keirsey Temperament Sorter

2009-06-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

The Keirsey Temperament Sorter II (KTS-II) is a free personality test that allows you to understand your social style and gives you suggestions on how you can change your behaviour to manage your social relationships better. Click on the logo above to get your free test.

Amiable-expressive Whiskers.

My advisorant for a friend

2009-06-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

we are insan
the arabic word insan comes from the root word meaning 'forget'
we are creatures who forget easily
but because of that

we can experience happiness easily
and not get bored of it

you will pass this way again
and be depressed again

but be content in the fact that after depression is always happiness
and often that happiness is fleeting
and fleeting is good

because it allows us to experience an orgasm of life
it disappears
and then allows us to get down to doing actual serious work most of the time
waiting for the next orgasm of life to pass by
this is life on earth

our qalb, which comes from the arabic word meaning 'change' or 'constant turning'
or 'rotation'
is always changing back and forth
and this is normal

so be content in the fact that it will keep happening
these are the sureties of life
once we realise that they are there
and they repeat themselves
we can be content
that the world
and us

don't change that much over time

My friend

Meowwwrrr.

The Faithful Wife

2009-06-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

A poor grieving widow had to spend the money on her husband's funeral expenseas requested. It was very difficult but she complied with his wishes. What a lucky man to have someone like this in your life. Read her story:

My beloved Jim died.

His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sharon turned to her oldest and dearest friend.

'Well, I'm sure Jim would be pleased,' she said.

'I'm sure you're right,' replied Brenda, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.

'How much did this really cost?'

'All of it,' said Sharon . 'Forty thousand.'

'No!' Brenda exclaimed. 'I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?'

Sharon answered, 'The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to church.

The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500.

The rest went for the Memorial Stone.'

Brenda computed quickly. '$32,500 for a Memorial Stone?

How big is it?'

Click here to see the Memorial Stone

Source unknown

Whiskers touched.

Perpetuum Jazzile - My latest craze

2009-06-11T00:02:00.000-07:00

Whiskers staying alive.

Romantic roads

2009-06-07T21:00:00.000-07:00

Last night, I spent 8 grueling hours driving back from Singapore to KL through a jam caused by an accident. I decided to exit the highway and take the old road. The problem is, I've never been on the old road.

I remember back when PLUS just meant tambah and I was a little munchkin and slightly thinner, that driving back to Singapore meant driving along these old roads. It was terribly romantic, as my father drove and I lay down in the back seat watching the trees go by.

The city child that I was, it never occurred to me that driving in a forest was scary or there was such a notion as ghosts. For me, driving at night through those ever winding roads, WAS travelling.

It was only recently that my mother tells me, it was my father's favourite pastime to drive along those curving paths. Unsurprising, since I have inherited his love. As I turned off the highway at Senawang last night, I smiled like a gleeful virgin on his wedding day as I contemplated the dark roads ahead.

I didn't know where I was heading, but the roadsigns that said "Kuala Lumpur" were good enough guidance for me.

I drove all the way through forest to Bangi, reconnected to the main highway and popped up an hour later at home.

Bliss it was.

Whiskers at the wheel.

Name your ideal superpower and why

2008-02-05T08:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, I’ll start the ball rolling.

Whiskers
I wish I had the ability of Deflurevertodomuportation. It is defined as the “ability to teleport casually discarded rubbish into the homes or cars of those people who threw it. It is closely related to Deflurevertogastroportation, the ability to teleport faeces back into the intestines which originated it”.

Tujuh lamur

2008-01-17T08:04:00.000-08:00

In reference to one of my earliest posts in this blog, I hereby declare myself a phone addict. Late last night, I noticed something strange with my darling phone. I couldn’t scroll up nor down, and the cancel button wasn’t cancelling. My eyes started welling up… would this be the end of a beautiful relationship?

NO!!!! I won’t let you go that easily!!! We won’t go down without a fight! You just hang on, baby!!!

“Boss, I have an emergency. I’ll be coming in late today… yes, it’s family related… no, not my wife… yes, the baby’s okay… I really gotta go… … … ok … ok …, okay, I’ll take time off, then… I understand… yes, yes, responsibility… yes… (^$*$%#&$%*(&)*%(&^_(!!!!!)”

*CLicK*

At the Samsung Service Centre

“Open up!!!!”

“(Bangla accent)… Surr, we yopen at 9 o clock only. Now is only 7″

“I don’t care!!! Open this dog damend door!!!”

“Surr, staip awey from da door, or I will shute you”

“Open uppppppp!!!”

BaNG

bleed bleed bleed

“(Chinese accent) Sir, are you okay?”

“Forget about me, save my darling… take herrrr… ughhhhhhhh…”

“(Electronic accent) whiskersssssssssss”

The fat cat sings

Top Ten Thoughts for 2007

2008-01-04T08:03:00.000-08:00

I got this in the mail today, and it is so hilarious, it deserves to be presented as a WTF?! post. Enjoy!

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’tbother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky … not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shovethem down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut save you $0.30?

Number 2
In the ’60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

And the BONUS thought fortoday

‘Life is like a jar of jalapeños . What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow’. (Can you feel the burn CSL?)

Whiskers scanning for CCTV

Keep safe

2008-01-02T08:02:00.000-08:00

Being a journalist for almost 11 years (yup, still have my press tag renewed every year), it’s difficult not to smell a story that interests me. But I also missed having a loaded camera in my hand, ready to capture life as it passes us by. Then, my mom bought me my first ever camera phone, and suddenly I was taking pics all over. Not very good quality ones, but opportune ones nonetheless.

One type of pics I love are accident pics, so you can guess how much I almost get into one every time I take them on the fly. Here are some I’ll share with you guys. So do yourself a favour. Keep both on hands on the wheel, both eyes on the road, keep your ego in check and your brain in drive.

I wouldn’t want to find out that one of the the cars in the photos I’ll take in the future will be yours.

Crash Whiskers

Mothers

2008-01-02T08:01:00.001-08:00

Mothers are a phenomenon not many appreciate. On this finite world of ours, Allah has granted a part of His Grace and Mercy in the form of the woman we call Mak, or Ibu or Mother or Mummy.

Relationships with them are not measured in efficiency, nor gains, as in business, nor harmony, nor partnership as in marriage, but simply, by dedication.

Love being the universal bond of mankind, exhibits itself best in the mother-child bond. What can a father share when it is the mother who has conceived, carried and endured the birth of the child, who has shared the body of a woman it was meant to outgrow; being in reality a part of her that was passed out to gain its own individuality?

Why are we so blind to the sacrifices made by our mothers to care for us, to make us human and not a walking, talking rat in the race of life? What horrors of the world do our mothers go through, in order to protect us from those selfsame tragedies?

None of us will ever know, unless we too become a mother.

Men, are clearly the losers in this regard. If they knew the rewards for the pain endured by mothers in the hereafter, they certainly wouldn’t think twice before accepting any offer to be just that.

Twitching whiskers for Mummy and Sayang.

Death of a politican

2008-01-02T08:01:00.000-08:00

At last! An honest politician! Blogs are abuzz with the latest revelation from someone I deem to be the bravest Malaysian politician ever. Eat your heart out Oppositions!

Now, we all expect the rest of his colleagues to follow in his footsteps, because he, unlike an American prez not too long ago, actually came clean almost immediately. So, let’s pray that in 2008, we see headlines like the such:

“Yes, I did blow her up”

“Yes, I pregged that 15-year old”

“Yes, I am a backdoorsman”

“Yes, I bought that jet”

and

“Yes, that ugly child is of my seed”

Now, since jokes are flying ever since the news broke, allow me to add one more.

Considering we’re a secular country according to some opposing E D yets, the moral issues of this reveleation should be pretty difficult to debate, due to a lack of standards. So, I’ll just focus on the health-related one:

DID HE WEAR A CONDOM?

Whiskers Spielberg

Why I doubt the F1 will succeed in Singapura

2007-12-29T08:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, F1 fans. Time for me to piss you off again. But this time, I’ll be nice. I promise. Again, I know nothing about F1, but Foxtrot told me that Singapura is going to have a street track like in Monaco. I immediately had doubts over how successful it will be (even though it’s the 2nd time). Below, I give my reasons why I doubt it will succeed.

1. The drivers will need to get cashcards to enter the restricted zones.

2. The team will have to stock up on parking coupons whenever their drivers come into the pitstop.

3. The speed limit, cameras and cops will kill the game.

4. They’ll get fined for driving and drinking. (get it?)

Impostor Prime

2007-12-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

After having lunch with Foxtrot today, we did our mandatory shopping centre walk to drool over Transformer models. I still had time to kill (what with my boss still being in Australia until the end of the year) and decided to visit other shops.

Although I bumped into two hottt Malaysian megastars (don’t worry guys, I bet you don’t know them) who are fantastic MILFs by the way, I didn’t have the courage to ask for a pic, so I just walked on and into a 99sen shop (which almost always sells stuff for more than 99sen) and lo and behold… what did I find?

Forged Transformers!

Now, the others didn’t really catch my eye, but the one above (sorry, but all I had was my crappy 0.1MP camera phone), which I shall christen Impostor Prime was amazing. It’s about the size of the almost-alternator line OP, and was forged to look the same. The amazing thing is that this IP has been slightly redesigned to look like OP, but the transformation is different. How to describe? Must see yourself wan.

The box art, too is original. Someone actually took the pains to redraw the box art and loving recolour from the original in ink and acrylic. Wow! Now I know what happens to engineering and design students when they dropout or become jobless.

They design crappy toys.

Whiskercucucicitdatuknenekengkau! (That was the sound of Optimus Prime transforming, or didn’t you know)

When we gonna get ads for this page huh?

2007-12-24T07:59:00.000-08:00

Hey, Fox and Tang! I just checked my Nuffnang balance and I earned RM7.20 in 2 weeks! I can now afford a pair of brand new underwear. That’s RM14.40 a month! That’s RM187.20 a year! Holy shit! At this rate, I’ll become a millionaire in 5342 years’ time! For doing absolutely nothing!

So, when are we gonna add some ads on this blog? Hehehehe… Split the earnings three ways, I’ll get RM1.20 a week. Add that to my current blog’s income… and…. wow!!! I’ll be millionairing so much earlier!

Wakakakakakakaka whiskers!!!!

10 Things You Didn’t Know About Singapurans

2007-12-23T07:49:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long absence, guys. It’s the end of the year and many companies are dumping their budgets into anything they can spend on, and training seems to be the favourite. I was running documentation workshops back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back… and phew, am I tired. The closing workshop was in Singapura last week just before Eid and for the first time, being there for business and not family visiting, it dawned on me that Singapurans are weird people.

I actually composed the latter half of this post on my phone as I was travelling to my client’s place via MRT. Thus, to commemorate my return from the land of fake lions, I present to you, the 10 Things You (Malaysians, that is) Didn’t Know About Singapurans!

1. They will line up around the block for a free newspaper, even if it means they’ll be late for work. (It’s not a cake forgoonessake!)

2. They can’t pronounce Genting properly (Jen-Ting)

3. Their stray cats have mostly been neutered and have one ear clipped to tag them (I wonder if Singapuran men who undergo vasectomies also have their ears clipped?)

4. When they speak of Malaysia, they usually mean Johor Bahru (”Perak? Where’s that?)

5. They think Malaysians can’t speak English.

6. S$200 for season parking is considered cheap.

7. They hate Phua Chu Kang (bit too close to home, I guess).

8. Many of their flats are larger than Malaysian condos.

9. They didn’t even vote for their own candidate, but he became the 1st Asian Idol anyway.

10. Their drivers actually stop at zebra crossings.

and a last one… just for the road…

11. They have no flies.

Majulahhhhh Whiskerspuraaaaa…

Humming a song I don’t know the words to

2007-12-12T07:47:00.001-08:00

I’m walking down the street
Humming a song
A song I don’t know the words to

When people stop to hear
I sing the song
The song I don’t have the words to

I sing the words
The word that weren’t there before
In the song I don’t have the words to

The people applaud my song
And hear the words
And think it means what it means to me

But only they know what it means
Because I sang the song with words
The words which mean nothing to me
In the song I don’t know the words to

And I walk down the street again
Humming the song again
When the people don’t hear me
The song I don’t know the words to

Whiskers
Petaling Jaya
2/6/2007
11.30am

How I know I still have an ego…

2007-12-12T07:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, one needs to be reminded of one’s own importance in this world. And sometimes, when no one wants to help with that, we take it into our own hands. Here are 10 things I do that prove I still have an ego, and that I am important to me.

1. I call up Mix FM just to be able to hear my own voice on the radio.

2. I call my wife’s handphone just to see my name appear on her screen.

3. I wink at myself in the mirror.

4. I beam at the name printed on my cheque book.

5. I marvel at my name card and my job title.

6. I download other people’s scanned certificates online and replace my name with theirs using Photoshop, then print them out and pin them to my partition.

7. I pin every Hari Raya card I got this year and last year to my partition, even those not from professional contacts.

8. I practise my signature on recycled paper.

9. I laugh at my own jokes.

10. I have 5 blogs and everytime I update one, I ask a friend, “Did you read it? What do you think?”

Upper crust whiskers.

Road to millions

2007-12-10T07:46:00.000-08:00

Yahooooo!!! My journey to becoming an internet millionaire has begun! A capitalist advertiser has deigned to place an ad on my blog, via Nuffnang, a local banner advertiser. To date, I have made USD50++ on Adsense (over one whole year!) and now… well, currently, nothing yet on Nuffnang, but hey, I don’t have to do any work! Except maybe update my blog once in awhile…

Eat your heart out wage earners. I can now afford a nasi lemak a day more than you. Bah.

Stiff whiskers.

8000 grains of rice donated!

2007-12-07T07:44:00.000-08:00

I decided to try my hand at the vocabulary game at Freerice.com and found that it was so addictive, I raked up 8000 grains of rice within an hour!

However, most of my answers were intelligent guesses and morpheme matching. For example, anything with ‘necro’ in it, has got to do with death, and ‘nefra’ is definitely kidney related, so you just look for the closest answer.

It’s not a truly valid test of your vocabulary, but it’s fun, AND you get to donate rice to those who need it. Keep going there when you have the time.

Whiskers: Rice of the machines

The roving eyes of a man

2007-12-07T07:40:00.000-08:00

I have a secret, and my wife knows what it is.

I love to look at other women. I’m a bad, bad man.

(Hey, you… yeah, you, that guy over there. What are you looking at, with that disapproving face? I know your secret too)

I’ve always thought that if it wasn’t sacrilegous to think of it, women would make good deities. I mean, they’re all-hearing, all-observant, all-seeing, all-remembering, and all-knowing. The only thing that makes them imperfect, is because they choose to marry mortal men, thus disqualifying them forever from godhood.

A man’s imperfection is, however, the fact that we are men. And we love women.

I keep telling my wife, that the only reason I look at women is because I’m naturally attracted to them. If I didn’t have this instinct, we wouldn’t be married in the first place, and little Whiskers wouldn’t be gestating within her right now (I have nothing left to prove now).

So, looking at pretty girls is just my way of keeping that instinct sharp, to keep loving her. Yes, I know women have a hard time understanding this logic, but really, we don’t understand your logic either (”Why are you crying now?” “That dress… waaaa… it’s… it’s… it’s blue!!!” “WTF???!!!”).

Well, now that the rationale is out of the way, let’s run down the list of the pretty women that make up my daily routine of eyewashing. Granted, I don’t know most of their names, but, do we really need to know them? (The moment you ask for a name, you better be prepared to go all the way. Besides, I have quite a few reasons to NOT take a 2nd, 3rd nor 4th wife. See here)

Here they are, in the order they appear during my day:

1. My wife.

2. The cute girl in the Kancil/ Getz/ Myvi/ Viva on the way to work on Jalan Sentul.

3. The cute girl in the green baju kurung waiting for a bus along Jalan Sentul.

4. The sexy woman in the Waja/ Wira/ Aveo along Jalan Travers.

5. The amazingly coiffed young thing crossing my path in Jalan 52/1 as I’m about to climb the stairs to my office.

6. The MBPJ aerobic twins (twins!!!) who go for lunch every Wednesday around Section 52.

7. The cute MBPJ officer having lunch at Haja’s Nasi Kandar.

8. Every single shampoo and facial and armpit whitening model on television.

9. My wife.

The difference between all of them and my wife? With them, there’s only one way admiration, but with my sayang?

The admiration is actually mutual. I’m appreciated. And that’s what makes my day and my life complete.

Rejoice model notwithstanding.

Whiskers purrs.

Phone call opening lines I hate

2007-12-04T07:40:00.000-08:00

Everytime someone calls me, or even IM’s me, there are certain lines I dread to hear. I mean, the normal Melayu greeting of “Apa khabar?” “Sihat?” “Amacam?” (actually this one is Chinese adopted, sudah jadi Malaysian already) actually sound sincere and don’t grate on the ears. But the following ones are sickening to no end. Add on some in the comments if you have any more:

1. “Whatcha doing?” (Talking to you idjit)

2. “Where are you?” (In hell, you busybody)

3. “Busy ah?” (No, I’m dead)

4. “Sleeping ah?” (Yes, I’m sleeptalking)

5. “Not working today ah?” (…)

6. “You heard what happened ah?” (Women would love this. Me, not so much… worse when caller keeps saying, “come on, guess la!” My answer? Click. Toot… toot. toot…)

7. “Why your blog not updated so long?” (Yeah? Why your blog so boring?)

Frazzled Whiskers

Foxtrot’s additions:

1. “Eh, quick one…” (It’s NEVER quick)

2. “Sorry for calling.” (Then DON’T CALL!)

International Day of Disabled People

2007-12-03T07:38:00.000-08:00

Today is the International Day of Disabled People.

Ask yourself if you’ve made this world a better place to live for your disabled family, friends and colleagues. We are one world. One heart. One body. One soul. A disability in one is a disability in all.

Handicap International Website

Missing a whisker…

Will your grandchild have ‘Nigerian’ on his IC?

2007-12-03T07:36:00.000-08:00

Several Malaysians I’ve met automatically hear the word ’scam’ whenever I say the word ‘Nigerian’. It’s bad enough that the country is the most well known producer of fraud, but the fact is quite a few Nigerians are actually nice people.

I speak from experience myself, coming from the International Islamic University Malaysia. I had several friends there from Nigeria, whom I had the honour of eating, sleeping, praying and studying with. These are the people I would trust my life with.

Among them, Tijani was my best Nigerian mate. He’d saved enough to take him out of the country just so he could come to Malaysia to study. He spoke perfect English and Arabic and was studying Bahasa Melayu, so he could get a job here, just in case.

Outside of the nurturing walls of my university, I found that Nigerians was a dirty word, especially to those scameaters who regularly bait fraudsters. It didn’t matter where they were from. As long as they were black, and they had bad intentions, they were Nigerians.

Why my preceding story about Tijani? I had to make sure you understood the context of what I am about to write. Tonight, my wife and I were dining at Pizza Hut, in Mutiara Damansara, I noticed her watching a scene over my shoulder. So, I turned.

There he was, this huge black man in a green T-shirt, handphone in hand, chatting up a couple of Indian girls. I don’t know what skills he had, but the girls went from being suspicious to actually laughing at his jokes, to giving him their phone numbers. I know it was theirs, because he call-tested just to make sure. Innocent scene? I’m just being paranoid? Maybe, but this isn’t the first time I’ve seen it happen.

At cybercafes, busstops, LRT stations. Everywhere. These tall, dark casanovas are making a move on our women, and they actually have the tongue and equipment to do it! Go watch something if you don’t know what I mean.

Now, am I worried for our women? Yes. Why? Because I’m a mysoginist. But at the same time, I’m also worried for our men. True, the female population is rising. But remember this, they now have more options, what with all the Shah Rukh Khan and Denzel lookalikes running around (okay, maybe not as good looking).

But the point is this. Wake up Malaysian men! Enough of being metrosexual already! Fight for what’s your right! Pick up that club and let’s go drag some hair!

Seriously? You guys are on the verge of extinction. Bah!

The last stop…

2007-12-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

I love dreams. They are doors into ourselves, our hopes and our past. Good ones give me joy. Bad ones give me learning. Thus, most of my more spiritual experiences happen when I close my eyes.

That’s why last night was an especially joyous ocassion for me. I dreamt I was standing in front of the Kaabah, in Makkah.

I suppose the set up for me to experience this was perfect. Last night, I attended a Majlis Zikir at the Darul Qadriah center in Setiawangsa, Kuala Lumpur. I had been absent from attending for several months, due to personal business, but we picked the perfect night to come.

Not only was there a full house, but also in attendance was the door kiswah (cloth covering) from the Kaabah. It had been sent all the way from Makkah, to its permanent home in Darul Qadriah. When you take into account that there is only one kiswah made every year to adorn the Kaabah door, it was an honour that none of the other 1 billion plus Muslims would ever have. An honour I got, which is to touch it.

The kiswah was made of several layers of black felt (which made it look like a thin mattress) and embroidered with gold and silver plated wire, which made it a very, very heavy piece of cloth. To touch it was magical, like being in front of the door itself, imagining myself being right there.

Later that night, at home, my mother called from Makkah. She’s there to do her Haj and hearing her voice after not seeing her for two weeks made me forget how much I missed her. Her description of being there made such an impression on me, I wished I was with her.

Which is why, Allah answered my prayers, by giving me a first hand experience of being there. But when I looked at myself, I wasn’t in ihram, so I knew, I was only there to visit. It felt so real, but knowing it wasn’t doesn’t make it any less magical.

To this minute, I remember every moment I was there. If even dreaming of it feels this good, I’m definitely looking forward to actually be there. The last stop I’ll make in this long, long life.

Whiskers cries.

Why my wife is the perfect woman for me (and why I’ll probably not take another three of them)

2007-12-01T07:32:00.000-08:00

Some wives are just unsupportive. Mine however, is a dream come true. Foxtrot and I visited a model shop last Thursday and we drooled (I literally did) over the oh-so-unattainable-unless-we-were-freaking-rich Transformers of every variety. Foxtrot commented that his wife never understood what he saw in TF.

Suddenly, I felt like the luckiest man in the world. It never occurred to me until that very moment, just what a catch I actually got. Now get this, I’ve told you before of one of my passions: Silat. But, two other common passions I have are Spider-man and Transformers.

Give me a dose of any of these three any day and I’ll generally leave you alone.

Now, why is my wife perfect? Firstly, because before we got married, we met in the arena. She’s a Silat instructor.

No, she’s not among them, but these are kinda cute though. So, I never hear “Haven’t you had enough of that damn silat blog already???” because she normally gives me ideas on what to blog anyway.

Secondly, after we got married, I introduced her to my comic book collection. She didn’t understand why I had so many Spider-mans. But after I gave her a play-by-play of his origins and backstory and why the movie differed from the comic book and why I didn’t like Dunst for the role, she understood me better.

Spider-man 3 was a real date which she enjoyed.

And lastly, when I stayed home sick from work, I watched my whole collection of Transformers cartoons, from the original series all the way up to Armada, which got her wondering. She had always hated the show from when she was a kid. But, Michael Bay changed all that for her. We watched Transformers The Motion Picture twice in the cinema and 11 times (and counting) on DVD.

She’s now a TF convert.

Nervous as I was before the wedding, I wondered if she’ll be the one for me, or whether I made the right choice. I know now that all that worrying was for nothing.

Thank you, sayang, for being my pinang dibelah dua.

Whiskers and fur.

Good luck in Korat!

2007-12-01T07:31:00.000-08:00

To all Malaysian athletes, especially those competing in the Pencak Silat events, I wish you a good run. May you kick ASEAN asses while you’re there. Enough of Vietnam already! Let’s take the prize home this time!

(Could you bring back some DVDs while you’re there? Much appreciated)

Whiskers salute!

Happy Birthday Foxtrot!

2007-12-01T07:29:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Club30.

The above cake is for you to share with everyone else. The following cake is just for you to scarf.

Whiskers in my cake…

Whiskers for all seasons

2007-11-30T07:23:00.000-08:00

When Tango and Foxtrot invited me to blog here, some of the things they asked was, if I was currently blogging. And I said yes. I blog about one of my passions, which is Silat. I suppose it’s one of those things that friends who didn’t accompany me on that particular phase of my life find perplexing.

I didn’t accompany Tango and Foxtrot on their F1 phase nor their tech binge, so I find myself scratching my head when they talk about these two subjects. Happily, though, they find it equally confusing on their part when I open my yap about my passions. It’s usually a conversation killer :)

I told Foxtrot a couple of days ago when we met for lunch (hey, both of us are married, so, it’s not a sign of desperation, just an act of male bonding), I feel like a girl when the two of them talk about F1. Specifically, I can’t understand what makes a man spend that much money to watch a car appear for half a second in front of you and speed off again, only to come back several minutes later.

His defence? “We watch it on TV”.

Fiiiine. I suppose I’ve riled up the feathers of many F1 fans here, but the point is this. I’m gonna blog about what I like, so you guys better be prepared. :)

If you can take more of my madness, then check out my blog in the blogroll. If not, then my posts here will be far more sedate, and, at least, funnier.

The original trio was supposed to be Whisky, Tango and Foxtrot, but I’ve chosen Whiskers to represent myself. Reason? I’m a teetotaller, teetertally, tito… I don’t drink. So, I wouldn’t want to represent myself in any way that can make my kids question me later on.

Sort of like Angelina Jolie saying, she won’t let her kids watch Beowulf because she’s made to appear nekkid there. Er… Ms Jolie… I can recall at least 7 other movies I’d ban them from watching. (Mommy, you made out with Zorro???)

But, if there was one hot mom, she’s definitely it.

So, thanks for the welcome, if there’s anyone out there actually reading. And, if you’re cute, single, female, legal and needy, you know where to find me. Right here.

Things to do while you’re stuck in a traffic jam

2007-11-30T07:19:00.000-08:00

As you can probably tell, I spend most of my adult life in a traffic jam. It’s only natural, then, that I find things to while my time away with. Unlike the majority of the human population, I do not own a car CD player. So, I’m stuck to replaying all the cassettes I collected during the 1980s.

I am the proud owner of Whitney Houston’s self-titled album, the very first one. Although the cover is gone, but she plays beautifully, testament to buying ‘ori’ when ‘ori’ wasn’t even a word. The publishing date on the cassette says 1987. Happy 20th Birthday, Whitney Houston cassette!

However, after Whitney, Debbie, Mr Cetera, Mr Sanborn, Mr Collins, Kylie (the young version), Mr Astley, Mssrs Pet Shop and the Star Wars Symphony has bored the life out of me, I turn to other pursuits, like Mix FM and Light FM.

(Ahhh… Debbie Gibson… what a babe! You were spot on baby, when you sang Electric Youth! Unfortunately, we’re both Electronic Seniors now)

Unfortunately, Gurmit’s faux Chinese accent nerve-grates very quickly and hearing Ross do his irritating Foxtrot, Uniform, Charlie, Kilo, India, November, Golf word game makes you want to give your ears a rest.

If you ever wonder what you can do in a traffic jam when you’re out of ideas, you can poach some of mine:

Find the station
1. Find someone singing in his car and quickly search through the radio stations to see which station he’s on. If you actually find it, amuse yourself by watching him sing, but hearing Ziana Zain’s voice instead.

Why the long face?
2. Find a couple in the next car not talking to one another and figure out what caused them to sulk that morning. Be imaginative. It could be a failed Kama Sutra attempt, or a failed salad dressing, or the chocolate that he chose was bitter instead of sweet.

“Oh, but a turkey stuffing does this, too,” said he.
3. Find a couple in the next car talking animatedly to one another and make up dialog for them. If you have a friend in your car, you could carry on a conversation for them. Think “Whose Line Is It Anyway” and you know what I’m talking about.

Tin Rush!
4. Challenge yourself by seeing how much money you can find in your car. Dig, baby, dig!

Personal salon
5. Use the rear view mirror and see how much blackheads you can squeeze out of your nose, or whiteheads from your cheeks.

“And one more thing…”
6. Pretend you’re quitting your job, and create the perfect thing to say to your boss just before you slap the resignation letter in his face and storm out the door. Great stress breaker.

Burn, baby, burn!
7. Switch off your airconditioning and pretend you’re in a sauna. Ouch.

Oh, jockey!
8. Bring your chair down slightly, and pretend you’re driving in a really expensive car (if you don’t already).

Confusing your feet
9. Keep your right foot only for the accelerator but use your left foot for the clutch AND the brake. Fun jerky stops. If you can’t imagine it, try it!

Omigod, she’s a lawyer??? Represent me!!!
10. Find cute drivers to gawk at. If brave enough, flirt with them. If they flirt back, write your handphone number on your window with lipstick your wife left in the car.

Whiskers away!

Strange Things About Malaysians

2007-11-29T07:17:00.000-08:00

Hello all, I am Whiskers, the Whisky of WTF. Thanks to T and F for allowing me space to vent my frustrations, albeit under certain restrictions (i.e. Never post anything Big Brother doesn’t like). Fine, I’ll just post stuff that Big Brother doesn’t understand, then

For my first trick, I offer a list of things that I consider weird about Malaysians. Everyone is invited to add to the list through the comments form and I’ll edit it in to this post. Drum roll please…

1. No one likes speeches, but everyone pretends to.
Come on… you can’t honestly believe that after the MC gives his speech, and the manager gives his, and the managing director gives his and the CEO gives his, that anyone actually remembers, or cares about what they say. Speechitis is such a Malaysian thing. But, I;m proud to say that at least our grand leader makes his feelings on the issue very clear. Boring! He sleeps through most of them. How dare those opposing him accuse him of being lazy! Get the message! Cease the speeches!

2. Prices can go up, but cholesterol doesn’t go down
Okay, petrol, flour, water and power keep increasing in price. But notice how we seem to keep eating the same amount? Whiskers Tango Foxtrot??? Heed da Boss! Change your lifestyle to match the money we’re taking away from you!

3. Cyborgs Attack!
Try this test. Leave your handphone, your i-stuff, your bluteeth, your laptop, etc AT HOME and ask yourself if you’ll die within 24 hours. Still alive? Congratulations. You’re now the only human among Borgs. Please-lah, many Americans still have handphones with no sms functions. And why? Oh why? Do you have to immediately answer that sms??? It’s not a bloody phone call. The sender obviously didn’t respect you enough to drop you a line. Reply to it after 24 hours. If you can’t do this, then, sit down, Borg!

Okay, braindead now. I’ll add to this list after I reboot, or when you guys give me ideas.

Whiskers over and out!