The friend who sent me the unanswered questions in my previous post decided to challenge my loyar burukness, and sent me more! Well, Rina, this is for you! Of course, this is only half of it. I'll post the rest tomorrow. A man's got actual work to do, you know.
If cocaine were legal, would they sell it in little packages like Sweet N' Low? Would they call it Sweet N' High?
Yeaahhhhhhh.... dude, they woulddddd...
If drinking and driving is illegal, why do bars have parking lots?
To attract drivers to come, of course.
Is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? And if so, how would you treat them?
Quite impossible to be addicted, because therapy is far more expensive than drugs, alcohol and women put together. Therapy works because after getting the bill, patients are shocked back to reality. "No addiction is worth this crap!"
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
No, they need to grab a drink first.
After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
Boxes, dude!
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Yes, just in case He exists.
Can I yell MOVIE in a crowded firehouse?
Only if you're buying.
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
No, that would be utterly disgusting.
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Very funny. The bees just flew alongside the ark to keep the weight down, bro.
Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
Yes, they RAR.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Yes, and get fired soon after.
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Yes, and get punished in vegetarian hell.
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Of course! It's the gun that makes the noise. All the mime does is die.
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
I've imagined a world with no questions like this.
How do 'Do Not Walk on Grass' signs get there?
They were put there before the grass grew.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Run them down if they cross anywhere else.
If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on earth?
Gasp! You were abducted?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
They don't believe in gambling.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Because she has expensive tastes.
If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?
So true, so true...
If it's called a boxing RING, then why are they square?
Nobody accused boxers of being smart.
If Mike Brady was supposed to be this groovy architect, why did he force 6 kids into 2 bedrooms?
So they were too busy fighting to listen in to the groovy action next door.
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
Because they keep bringing along the same goddamn brain that causes them.
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
With glue.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
They put teflon in there.
If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerul than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings... hmmm, no mention of smarts there.
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You'll have a really weird accident.
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
It's free to talk to yourself, chargeable to talk to someone else.
Is a metaphor like a simile?
Yes, just as a meteor is to a silly me.
Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?
Wouldn't YOU like to know?
May I refuse to inherit the earth?
If there's an available flight to Mars, why not?
On Gilligan's Island, if the professor could build a radio out of coconut, why couldn't he fix a hole in the boat?
Possible answer 1: He didn't specialise in that in university.
Possible answer 2: The island has two hot chicks. The only other men are an old captain, an old rich guy whose money is worth nothing and an idiot. Would YOU fix the boat?
Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
If that travel agent is you, yes.
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Wait for it to shit seeds. Plant them to get another plant and kill the bloody animal to teach him a lesson.
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
Custer!
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
I wouldn't mind helping out with that experiment to find out.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?
Then we're all damned, I tell you. Damned.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Unsliced bread.
When it rains, how come cows don't knock on the farmer's door and say, "Hey, let us in, we're all wearing leather out here!"
They need the water to make milk.
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
They hide under the cows.
Where are the bacteria that cause 'good' breath?
In whatever they're trying to sell you.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
To see if they predicted it right.
Why do they call it instant credit when it actually means instant debt?
Does anyone preinform you he's going to rob you?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
So that those who still have power be grateful.
Why is it that normal people are the ones you don't know?
I ask that question every day, bro. Every day.
Why is it that when our kids are naughty we ask "do you want a spanking?" What are they going to say, "Yes please, may I have two?"...
The early beginnings of a fetishist.
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
When do they ever close they mouths?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
All the short ones were already taken.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
That should've been your first clue...
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
It's positive thinking.
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
It's for you, dude. It's for you.
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Topsofyourfeet.
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Same reason there isn't cat flavoured dog food.
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