As you can probably tell, I spend most of my adult life in a traffic jam. It’s only natural, then, that I find things to while my time away with. Unlike the majority of the human population, I do not own a car CD player. So, I’m stuck to replaying all the cassettes I collected during the 1980s.
I am the proud owner of Whitney Houston’s self-titled album, the very first one. Although the cover is gone, but she plays beautifully, testament to buying ‘ori’ when ‘ori’ wasn’t even a word. The publishing date on the cassette says 1987. Happy 20th Birthday, Whitney Houston cassette!
However, after Whitney, Debbie, Mr Cetera, Mr Sanborn, Mr Collins, Kylie (the young version), Mr Astley, Mssrs Pet Shop and the Star Wars Symphony has bored the life out of me, I turn to other pursuits, like Mix FM and Light FM.
(Ahhh… Debbie Gibson… what a babe! You were spot on baby, when you sang Electric Youth! Unfortunately, we’re both Electronic Seniors now)
Unfortunately, Gurmit’s faux Chinese accent nerve-grates very quickly and hearing Ross do his irritating Foxtrot, Uniform, Charlie, Kilo, India, November, Golf word game makes you want to give your ears a rest.
If you ever wonder what you can do in a traffic jam when you’re out of ideas, you can poach some of mine:
Find the station
1. Find someone singing in his car and quickly search through the radio stations to see which station he’s on. If you actually find it, amuse yourself by watching him sing, but hearing Ziana Zain’s voice instead.
Why the long face?
2. Find a couple in the next car not talking to one another and figure out what caused them to sulk that morning. Be imaginative. It could be a failed Kama Sutra attempt, or a failed salad dressing, or the chocolate that he chose was bitter instead of sweet.
“Oh, but a turkey stuffing does this, too,” said he.
3. Find a couple in the next car talking animatedly to one another and make up dialog for them. If you have a friend in your car, you could carry on a conversation for them. Think “Whose Line Is It Anyway” and you know what I’m talking about.
Tin Rush!
4. Challenge yourself by seeing how much money you can find in your car. Dig, baby, dig!
Personal salon
5. Use the rear view mirror and see how much blackheads you can squeeze out of your nose, or whiteheads from your cheeks.
“And one more thing…”
6. Pretend you’re quitting your job, and create the perfect thing to say to your boss just before you slap the resignation letter in his face and storm out the door. Great stress breaker.
Burn, baby, burn!
7. Switch off your airconditioning and pretend you’re in a sauna. Ouch.
Oh, jockey!
8. Bring your chair down slightly, and pretend you’re driving in a really expensive car (if you don’t already).
Confusing your feet
9. Keep your right foot only for the accelerator but use your left foot for the clutch AND the brake. Fun jerky stops. If you can’t imagine it, try it!
Omigod, she’s a lawyer??? Represent me!!!
10. Find cute drivers to gawk at. If brave enough, flirt with them. If they flirt back, write your handphone number on your window with lipstick your wife left in the car.
Whiskers away!
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